Life is a cycle of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and sometimes there’s not so much flow. Humor always makes me feel better about the raw truth. The last three months I have had a tremendous amount of growth, motivation and enlightenment. But now readers, I have hit a wall. I cannot really explain it any other way than this. If you want to be better in body, mind, and spirit, you’re going to have to Work. I wanted to put this out there so when you’re down you can be easy on yourself and remember THE AS IS. Breathe life in and embrace the mask of your life for the moment. Then dig deep and be brave and courageous and get back on the horse again and ride.
You all know I am a believer in Dr.Shefali and her work. This last week we have been embracing boundaries. The older I get the easier this becomes. I started about 6 months ago realizing that truth and boundaries are very important for my journey through life. Being the people pleaser that I am has led me down a road of lies. Making others satisfied and not myself takes a toll on the soul. The majority of people don’t set up boundaries due to fear.
The mother of all lies that we tell ourselves is that if we set a boundary then our mother, friend, child or sister won’t love us or will leave us. Friends this is a lie. If the people in your life leave you over a boundary. I have some not so good news for you. They never loved you to begin with. I am so sorry to be so abrupt. I am struggling right now typing this because I really don’t want to hurt anyone. I know that you know this deep down and don’t want to listen to your real self but I feel prompted to remind you. Real love never fails. That does not mean real love is easy or does not want to abandon ship. What it does mean is that on the days that you have just had it with the world and on the days you do not want to talk or even look at your precious loved one, you stay and you fight. You dig deep and forgive time and time and time again, but with evolution, you set boundaries with your love. Let’s be clear, setting boundaries has to come from your heart and not your ego. I tend to at first to set ego boundaries. It’s my way of protecting myself.
I will never forget the year I endured a bully named Traci at my school. Let me explain. Traci was a newbee to my school and at first I was thrilled to have a new playmate in the mix. My expectation of our tightly knit group was soon to be shattered. Traci decided that she didn’t like me and would call me names, belittle me, exclude me and the list goes on. My mother went to the principle and teachers for help. Mom tried to help but I guess it was the path I was supposed to take, maybe Traci actually toughened me up for the up-coming years of hard knocks? All I know is that I ended up sick that year with heart palpitations and bladder infections. My body couldn’t take the exclusion of friendship and betrayal. You know I don’t think I’ll ever forget what that felt like. I was so sad and lonely. I believed the lies she spread. So here is where the story takes a turn and I learned something about myself. You can push and push and push and I’ll take a lot but eventually….. I will fight back and you will feel my boundary. One day while on the bleachers, Traci was doing her normal crap and something happened. I snapped. I pushed her she pushed back and eventually ended up in an all out fist fight. I was about 50 pounds and she was about 120lbs. She was tall and I was short. Let’s just say that I lost the fight but won the battle. She never messed with me again. In fact, she wanted to be friends and I forgave her but set up major boundaries with my mother’s help. I run into Traci here and there and we are always cordial. I often wonder what she thinks of herself. I assume she learned her ugliness from her family life and if this is the case, I am sorry for her pain.
The moral of the story here is don’t wait until your get suspended from school or end up with invasive ductile carcinoma to stand up for yourself and fight. There is that saying out there “fight like a girl” and I would like to change that saying to “fight like a warrior”. I don’t know what girls fight like but I’ll fight for the people I love like a brave soldier. You can only be bullied if you let the people around you affect you. You can only get sick if you let your soul suffer. It sounds simple and I know it’s not. Trust me. I have endured suffering like you. But there is a key to Pandora’s box and that is for you to unlock and unfold God’s mystery for your existence. It is right in front of all of us but it takes work. It’s not easy. Listen, abundant life is not given to anyone. Abundant anything takes a soul mission to figure out. It’s putting one foot in front of the other and working it out. The definition of endure is to patiently wait in suffering. That my loves is what God calls you to do. He calls you to patiently walk the road of suffering and stand in the as is of life. I think what matters in life is the fight and the ability to see the good in the ugliness. When I write this next line please know I am writing to myself. Please stop avoiding pain and pretend you’re not living in fear. Embrace the fight. Acknowledge the experience and know that it’s all a part of the plan…the good, the bad and the ugly. I will leave you with this. Have you ever messed up? I mean like royally messed up? I’m talking like it affects everyone kind of messed up? Well, I have and it’s the worst pain of my life. Hurting the ones you love the most is excruciating. In those cowardly moments you’re not a warrior at all you’re the polar opposite. You let others and yourself down and you cause turmoil beyond repair. Now, let me break this to you gently, you’re not alone. Part of the reason why you did whatever you did is because you were afraid of not being loved and afraid of people leaving you. This is the basis of all tragedy. If you want to get off the midnight train going anywhere, then please do. Kick yourself off, but realize that the answer to your question of how and why is simple…forgiveness to yourself and to others. Embrace the love and forgive, I promise you will be set free. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and fight for yourself and the ones you adore.