The Broken Road

August 27, 2005.

When I married Trevor Berry, this was our wedding song. We chose this song because we both had very broken pasts. Almost 12 years later, this song makes even more than it did then.

Today, tomorrow, forever.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you
That every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes it did

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

I love the moment when God brings life full circle and shows you truth.

I feel like we spend a lot of time in the past, which isn’t always negative. However, when you dwell in the past and won’t let go….well….that is a problem. Are you saying “yeah, but”? Do you feel like you have a really good reason for living in the past? Maybe it’s comfortable. I get it. it’s hard to forgive and move on. It hurts like heck. But guess what? Holding on to past hurts won’t protect you from future hurts.

Guys, I’m stuck here myself but I’m wrestling my way out because I don’t want to be planted in infertile soil anymore. But it seems like even as I’m trying to move forward … to let go of the pain … somehow I get sucked into a black hole.

Here’s what Peter says in Philippians 3:13 “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” Well, there you have it. Looking behind? Living in the past? It’s all a trick of your mind! Remember readers: The enemy attacks through your thoughts so if he can keep you distracted with your past hurts, then you will NEVER live in present happiness. Your life will rot away while you chase the ghost of the past.

Set your mind on the good of your life and stop focusing on the bad and the pain. We all have pain, but the ones who look forward, press on and forgive are set free.

There have been times when I have felt unloved and unwanted and because of lies I believed. Because of this I did some very foolish things. Please hear me: Even when you think no one loves or loved you, God does, and He is there protecting you from the enemy’s lies and manipulation…and from yourself, your own worst enemy.

Dear friends, bust the ghost of the past off and live in the present. Be conscious in present moment because it’s the only truth that exists.

Are there really mistakes in life? Really? If you live in the present then no mistakes can exist. They can’t. Every broken road leads us straight to freedom. If I would not have made all the “mistakes” in my life I would not be me. I earned wisdom through life experiences not a self-help book. I’ve grieved people, situations and lived through death.

How have your “mistakes” set you free? Take a moment to think about it. Maybe even write them down on a piece of paper and bury them in the spring. But bury them for good. Don’t dig them back up and relive the pain.

You are a warrior.

Let go and live in the present.

WHY?

Because the majority of all disease comes from dis- ease.

Because God didn’t bring you out of slavery to leave you entrapped.

Because living in past hurts ages you.

Because it’s exhausting being bitter rather than better.

Because God asks you to forgive so you can be forgiven.

Because the past is over and holds no power over you unless you give it power.

so those are just a few of the why’s and now here are a few of the how’s.

How do I live in present and let go of past?

Pray.

Ask God to show you truth and remove the obsession to hurt yourself over and over and over again.

In her books, Dr. Christiane Northrup discusses studies proving that guilt and shame produce a chemical called ILC. Science is now studying the adverse effects this chemical–these emotions—has in the fascia of our bodies. Your body records your emotional pain, and you live it out in a physical manifestation.

One way to get rid of the stored up emotions is yoga. Personally, when I push myself in exercise I always cry and never understood. Here is the answer: ILC gets released when you stretch the muscles. Northrup also says children who are abused take on their perpetrator’s shame because the perp has no conscious. Dr.Shefali teaches that as children we come here perfect and it’s the adults who mess us up. Bam there it is.

Do yoga. Meditate. Prayer and meditation are God’s plan for successful living. According to the Bible, if we can pray and petition and then shut up and listen, God will show us everything He wants us to do and more.

Do you have children? Do you want to give them everything to help them build beautiful lives? Matthew 7:11 “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”

He wants to see you prosper. Deuteronomy 28:13 “If you listen to these commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today, and if you carefully obey them, the LORD will make you the head and not the tail, and you will always be on top and never at the bottom.”

John 10:10 The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life”

I would really love to hear back from you.

Comment below

Start living your conscious adventure.

Lies from within

the-cave-you-fear-to-enter-holds-the-treasure-you-seek-5-2

Take a few breaths and choose love! Abandon your fears and answer the call!

Take a chance on you. Leap into the light and face your fears. Embrace your journey and trust the truth inside. Trust, and be conscious, bold, fearless, and shameless. It’s ok Melissa to be you. You are good enough.

I have a very special cousin who came to visit this Spring. He lives out of town and therefore we don’t get to spend a lot of time together. He is a lot younger than me and still single which has allowed him to live out his amazing adventure with beautiful unbridled courage. He has spent this last year finding his soul and isn’t afraid to tell his story in order to inspire people to find their truth. One night while he was in town, we talked half the night and he left me with a question. He talked about a lot of “soul” stuff. He talked about Joseph Campbell, who studied mythology and how it relates to life. My cousin said to me, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”. He then asked me, “What are you afraid of and what is in your cave?”

Wow, ahhh…… ok… It took me days to really know what the answer was. However, truth be told I think I knew immediately, but was too embarrassed to answer him and was much more accustomed to giving the response that I actually gave him, “Hmm, I don’t know.”

Let me be honest here because it took about 2 weeks of soul searching and courage to make this promise to myself. From that day forward I promised myself that I will not tell myself any more half-truths or blind myself with deception. I also asked God to please set me free from myself.

Drum roll please. What is in my cave is something very deep. It has many strings attached and many emotions involved. It has caused me soooo much bondage and fear. I refused to live in that fear another moment. MY FEAR WAS TELLING THE TRUTH TO THE PEOPLE I LOVE THE MOST AND TO MYSELF. Please let me clarify the type of lies about which I speak. I’m sure you all know the lies I am talking about. I lied because I was putting their happiness in front of my soul needs. I lied because I did not want to confront the truth. I lied because God forbid I tell the truth about how I really feel. The people I love may abandon me if they know my truth. I lied because I was lazy and exhausted emotionally from the internal struggle. I lied because it enabled me to stay stuck in my own self misery. I lied because it stopped me from launching into my destiny and saved me from a lot of work. I lied because it is who I had become.

Honestly, even at this moment I don’t want to send this out for the world to see. I don’t want to tell the truth about who I really am and who I have become. I am afraid and embarrassed.

The truth is that I learned to lie very early on in life because it made me into something I was not or at least I began to believe it did because the real me was not good enough. A child will start to believe the criticism when they hear it over and over again to the point where eventually they become it. Parents, be careful what you tell your child they are or are not. You have a lot more power than you know. You can use this power wisely or dangerously. You can only be picked over so many times before you believe that you are not good enough for anyone. Remember that saying your mother taught you? “Actions speak louder than words.” Well, let’s just say I understand this concept very well. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I became what I thought everyone wanted me to be including what I thought I wanted me to be. I believed the lies of Mrs. Wolf, my 6th grade teacher, when she said that I would never be more than an average C student. That is a whole other topic that I will write about later. I believed that I was inadequate and did not do anything right and that I was inferior. So, as I grew up, I lied to make myself feel ok and accepted. I learned very quickly that I could become whoever everyone wanted me to be. The problem is that we all know lying is dark and ugly and it comes with a cost. I don’t know if I ever knew exactly why I did some of the things I did in the past until just now……like why I pounded alcohol. I got drunk the first time at the age of 12 and I mean hammered not just a little tipsy. See drinking for me set me free from the lies. I could actually be me. I did not have to do all the work of keeping up with the fake Melissa. She was out and free and alive. Except that this unclaimed reality ended around 2a.m. It always rolled around and I was always left with myself again and the harsh reality that I was still afraid and alone.

The Journey Begins

I could tell you all the details of my life as a child,teen and early adulthood but for today the details do not matter. What matters is that what I have ultimately learned and what this blog is really about. I am going to take you though a journey of cancer, raising children, marriage and finding my true self. Some days the writings will be long and arduous and other days quick and tasty.

Here is the deal. If your sick and tired of being ________ (fill in the blank) and want to be set free then take this journey with me…… listen, I am not saying its OK if someone hurt your or left your holding your heart. I not saying that you have not betrayed yourself even. You may have to forgive yourself for some terrible things you have done consciously or unconsciously. what I am saying is this……..YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU FEEL AND THE MOMENT YOU GIVE YOUR ENERGY AWAY TO ANOTHER PERSON YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME SOMEONE YOU TRULY ARE NOT DESTINED TO BE. If your are going to be the person God created you to be its gonna take HARD WORK. I wont try and convince you how to live but I will share who I am, how I made the choice to start this blog and how I evolved into who I am today. Transparency matters to me.

Now, take a deep breath. I will eventually give you some tools in your belt to live a mindful, present, conscious and vivacious life. God is the ONLY reason I am alive and healed and to God I give all the glory.
I will be discussing healthy living, food healers, holistic life approach and conscious living.