I wrote a few weeks about my life patterns. How I chose a specific journey to keep my story true. The story with all the lies interconnected to my sub-conscious. The drinking pretty much always ended up with a familiar story. I would call my sister at 2 am and end up crying. Very simple. She would talk me off the cliff of my misery. I would pass out, wake up the next day and repeat. I had a season of life where drinking was an everyday part of who I was and I was totally ok with that scenario. I can tell you that my sister Jilene prayed for me. Jilene prayed audacious prayers while I wondered through the wilderness and spiraled thru the years. I have the lord to thank for her unwillingness to give up on me. She never left me. She later told me when she would get off the phone, she would sob and pray. Telling the enemy he could not have me. I said before the detail about who, how and why don’t actually matter and because it would hurt people in my life I have chosen to leave names and specific situations out. Because the point of this blog is for me to share what I have learned and overcome not expose other people’s stories and truth is we all attracted what we need to move forward in our story. See, you have a choice. Albeit a hard one, you can chose life or death. It’s up to you. Typically, some catastrophe has to take place to jolt ones awareness into consciousness. For me divorce was not enough. Although it did take a enormous chip off the exterior. 6 years after the divorce I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I was 32 years old and this was not supposed to happen to me. So I believed it not to be a positive experience. I remember the night the doctor called and crying myself to sleep. The feeling of complete and utter devastation and my body, myself causing me so much pain. I had many other times of pain but never had I had myself to blame and oh did I blame……ME. Yeah, cancer did it for me. On top of a new marriage followed by a new business and a preteen child. Need I say more? People always ask me the same question? Oh, my gosh Melissa, where you not scared???? The long and short of that question is yes, I was scared but I didn’t live there. See my mother up till that point had breast cancer in the same breast 3X. I remember watching Oprah and she interviewed an author who wrote about eastern countries that had extremely low cancer percentage in their countries and I was like oh than all we have to do is eat right. Bought 4 of those books gave them to my sisters and mom and well……I solved our problems of getting cancer. Problem is……. Eating is not the only reason why I got cancer. It is interconnected however and I eventually teach my readers the art of balancing your life. Cancer is actually a sick soul. You can’t live in the unconscious and be healthy I’m sorry friends but it just works that way. I am not saying your are going to attract heart disease, cancer, diabetes and the such but I am saying if you don’t live consciously you will use the wrong tools in your belt to deal with who you are. I’m talking about stuffing your soul with garbage. There is not one person alive who doesn’t do this and people are walking around blind and God wants to set you free. This is part of why he put you on earth. Work through your stuff and help others. That is it!!! Problem is we get stuck in our story of lies and we believe the lie. The food, drinks, gossip, lies, jealousy, drugs, dependency, shopping, dying marriage, rebellious children, worry, anxiety, whatever we do to stuff the pain and avoid the work of evolving. Some people like me have to have attracted cancer to breakthrough. I have a confession however, life got harder after cancer and although I was aware that my soul was sick and I even knew why I attracted cancer I didn’t know how to heal. I mean I thought I was healing and eating and my connection with the God was pretty solid. So why after 10 years and 7 months later did a biopsy reveal I had pre cancer cells? Are you kidding me, I was actually mad. That news threw me a biggest curve ball, I remember me and my husband celebrating the 10 year anniversary and me think yup, I kicked your butt cancer. So proud and almost invincible I thought I had figured how to stay disease free. Truth is I had a door in front of me. Would I insert the key or abandon myself once again? Awwwwww, this time was different a sort of unbridled adventure and I knew it was such a time as this that I was called. Called to open the door God set before me and live freely without fear. We have choice in life and its either a live of fear or the life of love as my friend laurie says. There is not in-between there in only the reckoning of our souls.
The Garden of your soul
Have you ever maintained a garden? If you have you would be very aware of the hard work that is involved. Why am I talking about gardens? I’m talking about gardens because today as I was sitting still, I saw myself pulling weeds. My hands were dirty and cut up and they even hurt. The sun was shining over me and I could feel the sweat on my brow. My knees where callused as well. Yet there I was in my garden and in an alternate world. I was in my soul. What I experienced at that moment was the feeling in my heart of how hard it is to work on your soul. It’s so hard and painful that sometimes it would be easier to just quit and go back to being my old self. Except this time around for me, I know better. I have not always known better. I can’t tell you how many times I was on the right track in the right garden and I quit, I flaked out. I went back to my old self. Please if you’re reading this and you recognized yourself, don’t have fear. There is a way out and it’s through the trenches of your garden. Ask any farmer or gardener if they would reap a crop if they had allowed the weeds to overtake it. We all know the answer to the soul’s dilemma and, though not the most easy of choices, it is the correct one. Do I till up the ground and prepare my heart? Do I plant and sow a crop in my soul that has virtue and honor? Do I water the garden and quench a thirst for more truth and knowledge? Do I fertilize with teachings and righteous fellowship? The questions are almost endless when it comes to your soul. The obvious answer to each and every question is yes. Do the work and you will find the most raw, transparent truth you will ever discover. This is brilliant and true and you can count on it every time. Take one step forward each day and ask the Lord to show you truth. Be prepared though because truth can come as a shock to those who bury their heads in the everydayness of life. Truth can come in various forms but please do yourself a favor and seek the face of the one who created you and he shall give you the most conscious, creative, blissful, adventure you can possibly imagine.
I am pretty sure it all started as a young child with divorced parents. Details do not matter because we all have “stuff” we must overcome. The sad part of reality is that you don’t even know your losing yourself while it is happening. It Is so gradual. One day your picking daisy’s for your mommy and the next thing you know your drinking yourself into la la land or whatever it “is” that you do to mask the pain. What I am working toward in this blog is simple. You must work at chipping away at the exterior of who you think you are and get to the real child inside. Children are beaming with energy and light and so are you, you just do not know it yet. They know more than we realize or give them credit for. It is in this time of a child’s life that we seem to put them in boxes. All kinds of boxes. Control, fear, and anxiety are the ones I am the most familiar with that are deeply imbedded inside of me. As I grow, and chip away at the shell of my soul, I am seeing truth. Truth that I want to share. Nothing goes in vain, nothings is lost or broken if you do not allow it to plant in your heart and grow. Have ever had the nagging feeling that something just wasn’t right? That your relationship were not really working? You are yelling at your precious kids and deep down your angry at yourself and you don’t understand why? I want to be the best I can be a be the person God created me to be and if you want that too its very simply. You will have to surrender your heart and soul and know…. you will have to dig deep. You may even have to shut up and listen.
I waited my whole life for God to use me. I prayed—even begged—for God to
show me what he wanted me to do. Finally, a lifetime of prayers was answered on
April 6, 2006. My journey was set before me not by God’s voice booming in my
ear, but by a surgeon’s voice over the telephone giving me the incomprehensible
news that I had cancer.
Lord, I prayed, I’m not ready to go. I have a child, husband, sisters, parents,
friends, please have mercy on me.
While I felt a mixture of shock, numbness, anxiety and fear of the unknown, I
KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God would turn this ugly cancer into
something beautiful. This was the true beginning of my journey, and I knew that
God was going to use my battle for His glory and to bring others closer to Him.
I wish I could say over the next year my faith was so great that I didn’t get scared
and angry, but I suffered many weak moments in which I felt that God had deserted
me. I knew then and believe even more firmly now that in those moments the devil
sought to separate me from my faith and God’s promises, and I had to put my
armor on and keep fighting.
God taught me through my battle with cancer that true health requires a strong
body/spirit connection. Healing must start on the inside. Dealing with the
brokenness inside was far more terrifying than surgery, radiation, and chemo, but I
l was learning that if I wanted healing, I needed to be obedient. God would lay out
the steps for me, and I needed to surrender completely and follow them one by one.
In this blog, my goal is to encourage you wherever you are in your journey, no
roadblock is significant enough to deter you from following the path God has laid
out for you. You found your way to this book for a reason. Whether you are
suffering from a physical ailment, a broken heart, a lifetime of abuse, addiction,
insecurity or any other issues, God wants to work those things for good in your
life. God wants to use your story to help others. Let him. What is God asking you to chip away today? Write it down or comment below.
I could tell you all the details of my life as a child,teen and early adulthood but for today the details do not matter. What matters is that what I have ultimately learned and what this blog is really about. I am going to take you though a journey of cancer, raising children, marriage and finding my true self. Some days the writings will be long and arduous and other days quick and tasty.
Here is the deal. If your sick and tired of being ________ (fill in the blank) and want to be set free then take this journey with me…… listen, I am not saying its OK if someone hurt your or left your holding your heart. I not saying that you have not betrayed yourself even. You may have to forgive yourself for some terrible things you have done consciously or unconsciously. what I am saying is this……..YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU FEEL AND THE MOMENT YOU GIVE YOUR ENERGY AWAY TO ANOTHER PERSON YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME SOMEONE YOU TRULY ARE NOT DESTINED TO BE. If your are going to be the person God created you to be its gonna take HARD WORK. I wont try and convince you how to live but I will share who I am, how I made the choice to start this blog and how I evolved into who I am today. Transparency matters to me.
Now, take a deep breath. I will eventually give you some tools in your belt to live a mindful, present, conscious and vivacious life. God is the ONLY reason I am alive and healed and to God I give all the glory.
I will be discussing healthy living, food healers, holistic life approach and conscious living.