Are you hungry?

How many times do I have to remind myself that there is enough? I come from a long line of feeders! You know, the people who feed you or at least want to feed you. My grandmother was from Romania and anytime she saw you she would ask you if you wanted something to eat. I am not sure why she asked because regardless of the answer she would make you something to eat. Remember that scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the aunt asks if Ian Miller, the non Greek boyfriend, wanted to eat lamb? He replies by telling her that he’s a vegetarian and she says, “Ok, good I’ll make lamb.” It’s hilarious, but people hear what they want to hear. I amusing food metaphors as a launching pad here for understanding the not enough.People in general have a mindset of scarcity and are consumed with fear about not having enough. Let me give you some examples. Have you ever seen the show hoarders? Some of the folks on this show are in so much pain that they hoard whatever makes them feel safe. Americans are literal examples of living in the “not enough” frame of mind. Every Christmas for the last 3 years I have told myself that I am not going to overdo it this year. As you can already assume by that statement, you are correct if you assume that I overdo it. So what’s my point? I am in fear that the people I love won’t have enough to open Christmas morning. The Lord says that fear is not from him. He gives us power and sound minds. That translates into peace. I feel like we live in lack in so many areas of life, not just in our stomachs. Love or the lack of perceived love is the single greatest fear we experience in life. My soul sister, Laurie’s favorite book is The Road Less Traveled. The premise of the book is that love is the only “real“ thing in life and that it’s the only thing that heals people. I believe this is true. Part of the problem is that there is a cycle that has never been broken that started with generation 1, Adam and Eve. In the beginning of time, lies and fear eradicated love or at least created a delusion that there was a lack of love. This gets tricky so try and stay with me. Adam and Eve were happy as larks. They were naked as blue jays, but then something happened. They were lied to and they believed the enemy. Hey guys, the enemy doesn’t always waltz in like an ugly, scary gremlin. Sometimes the temptation lures you in like an innocent child in a candy shop. It’s not always obvious but it is real. Eve ate the apple and shared with Adam and then something happened. They became ashamed and hid. Adam and Eve believed the “not enough” lie. They had everything they could possibly want, perfect bodies, love, food, pets. They had freedom and they lacked nothing except one stinking apple. Their mind set of scarcity allowed them to see the lack which allowed them to fall into the trap. I am sure the enemy did not come in like a wrecking ball. In fact, I am positive he came to them with the seduction of …..Lies. I just want us all today to open our hearts to love. Love heals. Love is real. Love may not be tangible,but it can be felt and given freely. It costs you NOTHING. WHAT IN THIS WORLD COSTS YOU NOTHING? You may say yes it does cost me something. It may cost me my heart. I may get hurt. Here is my rebuttal. Take a chance. I have never loved someone and then was sorry that I did. In fact, the opposite happened. When you love, you become free. When you love, you set up others to love and be set free. It gives you freedom from the fear of “not enough”. Truth bomb. Love may come and go with a person but, and this is a real but, once you love, love never truly leaves. Even if you love and feel like it didn’t work out, you are wrong. When you love, it comes back to you like a boomerang. What you put out always comes back. So try it! Try
and love deeper and see what you get back. Try trusting God with your lack mindset and see what he does. Try stepping out in faith and see what he gives back to you. God wants to bless you not take from you so that you live in the “not enough”.Here is where it gets personal. Here is where I feel the sting of lack. I am not enough. This is the mother load of lies, the lie that we all believe and upon which we base our entire existence. If I had a chance to heal people, this would more than likely be what I would choose. I know the pain of the “I am not enough for you” lie. I think if you went deep inside the root of not enough you would see the enemy laughing when he manipulates the thoughts you hear inside your mind. If you’re not trained to recognize his lies, he will trick you. You will be a puppet to his deception. I want you all to hear this. You are not every single thought you think. Every thought is not always you. I am here to tell you that this is so important. Please perk up and hear the truth. You are enough! You may have some work to do but so does everyone else. It’s just one step at a time and learning to recognize the lies and seeing the truth is one step towards freedom.

Boundaries

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    Life is a cycle of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and sometimes there’s not so much flow. Humor always makes me feel better about the raw truth. The last three months I have had a tremendous amount of growth, motivation and enlightenment. But now readers, I have hit a wall. I cannot really explain it any other way than this. If you want to be better in body, mind, and spirit, you’re going to have to Work. I wanted to put this out there so when you’re down you can be easy on yourself and remember THE AS IS. Breathe life in and embrace the mask of your life for the moment. Then dig deep and be brave and courageous and get back on the horse again and ride.

    You all know I am a believer in Dr.Shefali and her work. This last week we have been embracing boundaries. The older I get the easier this becomes. I started about 6 months ago realizing that truth and boundaries are very important for my journey through life. Being the people pleaser that I am has led me down a road of lies. Making others satisfied and not myself takes a toll on the soul. The majority of people don’t set up boundaries due to fear.

    The mother of all lies that we tell ourselves is that if we set a boundary then our mother, friend, child or sister won’t love us or will leave us. Friends this is a lie. If the people in your life leave you over a boundary. I have some not so good news for you. They never loved you to begin with. I am so sorry to be so abrupt. I am struggling right now typing this because I really don’t want to hurt anyone. I know that you know this deep down and don’t want to listen to your real self but I feel prompted to remind you. Real love never fails. That does not mean real love is easy or does not want to abandon ship. What it does mean is that on the days that you have just had it with the world and on the days you do not want to talk or even look at your precious loved one, you stay and you fight. You dig deep and forgive time and time and time again, but with evolution, you set boundaries with your love. Let’s be clear, setting boundaries has to come from your heart and not your ego. I tend to at first to set ego boundaries. It’s my way of protecting myself.

    I will never forget the year I endured a bully named Traci at my school. Let me explain. Traci was a newbee to my school and at first I was thrilled to have a new playmate in the mix. My expectation of our tightly knit group was soon to be shattered. Traci decided that she didn’t like me and would call me names, belittle me, exclude me and the list goes on. My mother went to the principle and teachers for help. Mom tried to help but I guess it was the path I was supposed to take, maybe Traci actually toughened me up for the up-coming years of hard knocks? All I know is that I ended up sick that year with heart palpitations and bladder infections. My body couldn’t take the exclusion of friendship and betrayal. You know I don’t think I’ll ever forget what that felt like. I was so sad and lonely. I believed the lies she spread. So here is where the story takes a turn and I learned something about myself. You can push and push and push and I’ll take a lot but eventually….. I will fight back and you will feel my boundary. One day while on the bleachers, Traci was doing her normal crap and something happened. I snapped. I pushed her she pushed back and eventually ended up in an all out fist fight. I was about 50 pounds and she was about 120lbs. She was tall and I was short. Let’s just say that I lost the fight but won the battle. She never messed with me again. In fact, she wanted to be friends and I forgave her but set up major boundaries with my mother’s help. I run into Traci here and there and we are always cordial. I often wonder what she thinks of herself. I assume she learned her ugliness from her family life and if this is the case, I am sorry for her pain.

    The moral of the story here is don’t wait until your get suspended from school or end up with invasive ductile carcinoma to stand up for yourself and fight. There is that saying out there “fight like a girl” and I would like to change that saying to “fight like a warrior”. I don’t know what girls fight like but I’ll fight for the people I love like a brave soldier. You can only be bullied if you let the people around you affect you. You can only get sick if you let your soul suffer. It sounds simple and I know it’s not. Trust me. I have endured suffering like you. But there is a key to Pandora’s box and that is for you to unlock and unfold God’s mystery for your existence. It is right in front of all of us but it takes work. It’s not easy. Listen, abundant life is not given to anyone. Abundant anything takes a soul mission to figure out. It’s putting one foot in front of the other and working it out. The definition of endure is to patiently wait in suffering. That my loves is what God calls you to do. He calls you to patiently walk the road of suffering and stand in the as is of life. I think what matters in life is the fight and the ability to see the good in the ugliness. When I write this next line please know I am writing to myself. Please stop avoiding pain and pretend you’re not living in fear. Embrace the fight. Acknowledge the experience and know that it’s all a part of the plan…the good, the bad and the ugly. I will leave you with this. Have you ever messed up? I mean like royally messed up? I’m talking like it affects everyone kind of messed up? Well, I have and it’s the worst pain of my life. Hurting the ones you love the most is excruciating. In those cowardly moments you’re not a warrior at all you’re the polar opposite. You let others and yourself down and you cause turmoil beyond repair. Now, let me break this to you gently, you’re not alone. Part of the reason why you did whatever you did is because you were afraid of not being loved and afraid of people leaving you. This is the basis of all tragedy. If you want to get off the midnight train going anywhere, then please do. Kick yourself off, but realize that the answer to your question of how and why is simple…forgiveness to yourself and to others. Embrace the love and forgive, I promise you will be set free. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and fight for yourself and the ones you adore.


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The Man in The Arena

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There are many different paths we can take, but the end result is the same if we desire change. That is beautiful. It is generous. It shows me that I don’t have to save everyone with how I think their life process should be.  God is in charge, not me. Thank the Lord.  I mean that is an enormous load.  I have recently seen spiritual growth as not so black and white. I mean I really want a+b to equal c, but it just doesn’t usually work that way.  I’m sorry but just because I am learning about shame, vulnerability, inner child and ego doesn’t mean you’re going to see it today like I do.  It works like this. When the light bulb goes on in your mind and you can see that a person you love is suffering because their bulb (soul) is burnt out, you may have another bulb in hand ready to supply for help because you want to share the joy life really has but unfortunately they have to say yes to the invitation.  

Here is what I have learned.  We all have our own destiny, free will, and choices. It’s a shift in perspective that happens at a moment in time. Change comes down to this. Am I sick and desperate enough to not do this another day? Can I begin to love myself, my true self? We will all have a choice to take the call that God has for us.  When you have beaten yourself bloody and understand that you can’t do it your way and have real joy, then you have to try something else. Not because you’re not bright enough, but because you are blinded by independence. This is freedom.  It all boils down to the shame we live in, the abandonment we are so desperate to try and run from and the fear that pulses through our bodies at any given moment.  I’m not good enough is the underlying vibration of which we are all living. 

I don’t care who you are, if you let me break off the layers, being not good enough is the core reason we are all walking around broken. Brene Brown is a vulnerability researcher and author who says “You’re not perfect, but you are worthy of love and belonging”. I am determined to teach myself and my kids this principle. If I start when they are young, I hope I can teach them not to depend on other flawed humans for their sense of worth. If I can teach them not to carry and bury their perceived shame and to know that they are loved and that anything else they hear in their head is a lie, then Jesus can take the wheel.

You know I went years without reading a book or learning anything new and guess what readers? I was not happy. I was not happy because I was not living in the destiny God had set for me. Folks you are not going to get there watching The Walking Dead.   It took me all these years not to obsessively scour my home in Clorox and clean my floors on my hands and knees. I was a slave to perfection because I was caught up so deeply in the fear and anxiety of not being loved and accepted. By the way, I created that obsession when I was very young but I carried it through my entire life. I am just now improving. If I could control the dirt, I could control people.

Oh if you could hear my laughter. It is absurd. If I could have all the hours back I spent making my life “perfect”. It’s actually really sad to me now.  I could have played a little longer with my kids or read them a book, but no, I had to freaking clean the freaking floor! For what??????  I had to be perfect. It’s all a lie.   If you could learn this now how set free could you be and more importantly your children?  I have this drive to help them suffer, but not the way I have. Yes, I said help them suffer. Not push suffering and discomfort away but let them sit in it.  Be the suffering and embrace the call to truth and freedom that is in the suffering.  It’s not a plague. Your soul knows this. That is why it attracts suffering.  The real you knows it will take you all the way to the top of spirit.

This last 3 months, I have never felt more alive. I recently met a woman that we’ll call Sue. She is adorable and she’s the kind of girl you know that is just kind and sweet. Sue is the perfect example of what God can do with a soul that is desperate and wants change.  Sue told me about her life as an adult dancer. She was in the industry for 5 years.  She said it was like a black hole that sucked her in every time she tried to get out. Sue took shame and turned it into tangible honor.  We recently have been talking more and it has most often been conversations about my blog.  Be honest to yourself and bare your soul and be awakened and vulnerable about the shame you have lived. Expose it, let the light shine in and through it, and it will flee.  I PROMISE.

Let’s go back to lies for a moment.  Shame is the cousin of lies.  Shame has this funny way of wrapping you in chains.  Shame lies and tells you that you’re not good enough and you don’t deserve to be anything other than that which your past defines you. Brene brown says, “The antidote to shame is empathy”  Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Ok so Brene you’re telling me that relating to someone can kill shame? Relating to others in an arena similar to your own who carry the same ugly cross as yourself is the answer? Know that you are not alone and that you are cared for and loved.

I’m going to link this whole blog today back to one area in your life.  Lies…..please readers stop believing the lies you hear in your own head. “I don’t need anyone to help.”  “I can do this on my own.” “I don’t have a problem.” “Everyone ______.”  “I don’t know how to change, I’m too far in.” Lies, lies, lies. This is exactly how you stay defeated and powerless. If you want change, then stand up and fight!

Here’s some raw truth if you ask anyone who has overcome any issue in their life. I promise you they did not do it alone. People who try to change alone fail every time. why?? They fail because God created us to be relational, period, end of story. There is nothing more gratifying than a relationship that touches your soul.  When you experience true love, no matter what it costs the parties involved, this is healing.  This is how we change the world one love at a time.  Never give up!!! If you’re reading this and you want to change, I encourage you to take the first step and have a little empathy for yourself. Get ready to fight because shame will try and knock you out and put you back in the ring for another round of punches.  Stop decorating your pit and climb out.  We will be all waiting for you at the top throwing down ropes to help you.  You must desire to get out of the pit of shame more than anything. 

It will be arduous, but I promise, love and empathy will set you free. Being honest and truthful with yourself is honestly the first step.  If you’re vulnerable you can beat shame once and for all. You are worthy of love and you don’t have to be perfect.  Here’s to fighting for yourself and for the people you love. I encourage you, if you have loved ones trapped in the pit of shame, implore them to keep fighting. And as for you, stand in the gap and love them.


 

“Love is a Battlefield”

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Growing up for everyone has its own story. I know very few people who have had a wonderful childhood. Most people have feelings of inadequacy, abandonment, fear, not being loved, being unwanted, being controlled and the list grows. By age 17, I had made some absolute agreements with myself. What do I mean by this statement? I had made promises to myself. Promises that I thought were really powerful. Promises that I believed would protect me and set me free from anyone that could potentially hurt me or get in the way of anything I wanted to pursue. I think that when people hurt you, you go either one of two ways, in or out of your soul. I chose out of my soul. I did not know this at the time. It took 32 years to figure this out. I made some promises to myself that, until last week, I didn’t really understand what I had actually told myself and in turn my body suffered.

Recently, I learned some things about spiritual malignancy which, in my mind, is what it really means to be diagnosed with any DIS…. EASE. One theory is that, in our minds, we let ego deviate from the program God has for us. This is spiritual malignancy. Let me dive in here. Marianne Williamson teaches that the cells in the body say things like, “I don’t want to exist as a ‘normal’ cell. I want to be my own separate thing and build up my own mass following.” Here are some of the lies I have told myself. No one is going to boss me around and tell me what to do. I listen to me and my own ideas. I think when you try and replace God with things you will eventually feel the sting. It really depends on how stubborn you are. I apparently am seeing how bull-headed I am. Making those agreements with my ego was very damaging. I thought I was protecting my soul but I was actually destroying it with these agreement lies. God was included in this agreement. I replaced spirit with alcohol and shallow relationships… epic fail. The good news is that nothing is wasted. He works all things for my good. That is a song we sing frequently at my church. It is true. Don’t ever believe the lie that time or self is wasted. It never is. The lord has his inconceivable ways of making our messed up lives beautiful even when we mess them up. Every time we mess it up, he is there as a loving Father connecting all the paths to freedom. All we have to do is say yes to the call of the Holy Spirit. Please keep in mind that undoing what you have done sometimes takes time. So be patient with your life.

Remember that song from the 80’s Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar? “We are young heart ache to heartache we stand….. No promises no demands……Love is a battlefield. We are strong…… no one can tell us we are wrong. Searching our hearts for so long… both of us knowing….love is a battlefield. Making me go and making me stay……..Why do you hurt me so bad? It would help me know, if I stand in your way or I am the best you have had, but I’m trapped by your love and chained to your side……we are losing control when you turn me away, touch me deep inside…When this all gets all old will it still feel the same. There is no way this will die…and if we get much closer I could lose control….and if your heart surrenders you will need me to hold”

I know this is a cheesy song and it reveals my age (43) but I love it and can’t help the analogy of it all. This song, to me, is the battle that goes on in our body, mind, and spirit. This song, for me, is the ego vs the soul (real self). When we are young, we move from heart ache to heartache, we stand in awe of the pain and confusion. No promises, no demands until we feel the pain and sting of rejection of love and eventually abandon our soul. LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD. We have such innocent claims to life. We have the highest of hopes. Making me stay and making me go. Why do you hurt me so bad? This line is about the soul wanting to emerge and as it peers out for a moment, that is when we let our guard down and love, but it gets crushed and retreats right back inside and waits for the awakened moment to surface and try again to love. It would help me to know if I stand in your way or the best you ever had. Lol I can’t believe how ironic this song is. Yeah, it would be great to look into the crystal ball of your spirit and ask….. do I stand in your way or am I the best self I could be? We don’t know, especially when we are not awake to the real purpose of life. Who knows accepting our flesh for truth, I am trapped by your love and chained by your side. Yes, yes, yes…… we are trapped by our love of ego and self. It’s all about you, right? Your heart, your love, your desire, you ..you…you? I hope I am not the first one to break this news to you. NOOOOOOOOOOO, it’s not about you. It’s about loving other people. I don’t mean we should not respect and honor ourselves. We absolutely should and this is a very important key to being set free. I mean, lay your life down and love some people! Stop thinking life is all about you and what you want. This is the most dangerous love of self and you’re feeding your ego not your soul. Live like this and I promise you, it’s not if, it’s when your body and mind breakdown you will be forced to deal with the storm you create. Take heart, we all do this and your calling, your will, and your surrender all determine how your own personal journey will end. My prayer for you is to take the call, live out your core desires, and be set free of yourself and the lies you have built to keep yourself safe. There are so many tools out there to do this. The most important tool you will even need is the Holy Spirit. You can’t go wrong when the Holy Spirit guides your path. God is waiting, for you, to answer the call that is already inside of you. All the answers are within your reach. It’s like unlocking a metaphoric door. Your soul is knocking and will keep knocking until you get off your butt and answer the door. God is your soul because we are made in his image and he lives in you. You think he doesn’t want out? To share and love????? He does love. He does.

 

Lies from within

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Take a few breaths and choose love! Abandon your fears and answer the call!

Take a chance on you. Leap into the light and face your fears. Embrace your journey and trust the truth inside. Trust, and be conscious, bold, fearless, and shameless. It’s ok Melissa to be you. You are good enough.

I have a very special cousin who came to visit this Spring. He lives out of town and therefore we don’t get to spend a lot of time together. He is a lot younger than me and still single which has allowed him to live out his amazing adventure with beautiful unbridled courage. He has spent this last year finding his soul and isn’t afraid to tell his story in order to inspire people to find their truth. One night while he was in town, we talked half the night and he left me with a question. He talked about a lot of “soul” stuff. He talked about Joseph Campbell, who studied mythology and how it relates to life. My cousin said to me, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”. He then asked me, “What are you afraid of and what is in your cave?”

Wow, ahhh…… ok… It took me days to really know what the answer was. However, truth be told I think I knew immediately, but was too embarrassed to answer him and was much more accustomed to giving the response that I actually gave him, “Hmm, I don’t know.”

Let me be honest here because it took about 2 weeks of soul searching and courage to make this promise to myself. From that day forward I promised myself that I will not tell myself any more half-truths or blind myself with deception. I also asked God to please set me free from myself.

Drum roll please. What is in my cave is something very deep. It has many strings attached and many emotions involved. It has caused me soooo much bondage and fear. I refused to live in that fear another moment. MY FEAR WAS TELLING THE TRUTH TO THE PEOPLE I LOVE THE MOST AND TO MYSELF. Please let me clarify the type of lies about which I speak. I’m sure you all know the lies I am talking about. I lied because I was putting their happiness in front of my soul needs. I lied because I did not want to confront the truth. I lied because God forbid I tell the truth about how I really feel. The people I love may abandon me if they know my truth. I lied because I was lazy and exhausted emotionally from the internal struggle. I lied because it enabled me to stay stuck in my own self misery. I lied because it stopped me from launching into my destiny and saved me from a lot of work. I lied because it is who I had become.

Honestly, even at this moment I don’t want to send this out for the world to see. I don’t want to tell the truth about who I really am and who I have become. I am afraid and embarrassed.

The truth is that I learned to lie very early on in life because it made me into something I was not or at least I began to believe it did because the real me was not good enough. A child will start to believe the criticism when they hear it over and over again to the point where eventually they become it. Parents, be careful what you tell your child they are or are not. You have a lot more power than you know. You can use this power wisely or dangerously. You can only be picked over so many times before you believe that you are not good enough for anyone. Remember that saying your mother taught you? “Actions speak louder than words.” Well, let’s just say I understand this concept very well. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I became what I thought everyone wanted me to be including what I thought I wanted me to be. I believed the lies of Mrs. Wolf, my 6th grade teacher, when she said that I would never be more than an average C student. That is a whole other topic that I will write about later. I believed that I was inadequate and did not do anything right and that I was inferior. So, as I grew up, I lied to make myself feel ok and accepted. I learned very quickly that I could become whoever everyone wanted me to be. The problem is that we all know lying is dark and ugly and it comes with a cost. I don’t know if I ever knew exactly why I did some of the things I did in the past until just now……like why I pounded alcohol. I got drunk the first time at the age of 12 and I mean hammered not just a little tipsy. See drinking for me set me free from the lies. I could actually be me. I did not have to do all the work of keeping up with the fake Melissa. She was out and free and alive. Except that this unclaimed reality ended around 2a.m. It always rolled around and I was always left with myself again and the harsh reality that I was still afraid and alone.

Laying the foundation

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I am pretty sure it all started as a young child with divorced parents. Details do not matter because we all have “stuff” we must overcome. The sad part of reality is that you don’t even know your losing yourself while it is happening. It Is so gradual. One day your picking daisy’s for your mommy and the next thing you know your drinking yourself into la la land or whatever it “is” that you do to mask the pain. What I am working toward in this blog is simple. You must work at chipping away at the exterior of who you think you are and get to the real child inside. Children are beaming with energy and light and so are you, you just do not know it yet. They know more than we realize or give them credit for. It is in this time of a child’s life that we seem to put them in boxes. All kinds of boxes. Control, fear, and anxiety are the ones I am the most familiar with that are deeply imbedded inside of me. As I grow, and chip away at the shell of my soul, I am seeing truth. Truth that I want to share. Nothing goes in vain, nothings is lost or broken if you do not allow it to plant in your heart and grow. Have ever had the nagging feeling that something just wasn’t right? That your relationship were not really working? You are yelling at your precious kids and deep down your angry at yourself and you don’t understand why? I want to be the best I can be a be the person God created me to be and if you want that too its very simply. You will have to surrender your heart and soul and know…. you will have to dig deep. You may even have to shut up and listen.

I waited my whole life for God to use me. I prayed—even begged—for God to
show me what he wanted me to do. Finally, a lifetime of prayers was answered on
April 6, 2006. My journey was set before me not by God’s voice booming in my
ear, but by a surgeon’s voice over the telephone giving me the incomprehensible
news that I had cancer.
Lord, I prayed, I’m not ready to go. I have a child, husband, sisters, parents,
friends, please have mercy on me.
While I felt a mixture of shock, numbness, anxiety and fear of the unknown, I
KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God would turn this ugly cancer into
something beautiful. This was the true beginning of my journey, and I knew that
God was going to use my battle for His glory and to bring others closer to Him.
I wish I could say over the next year my faith was so great that I didn’t get scared
and angry, but I suffered many weak moments in which I felt that God had deserted
me. I knew then and believe even more firmly now that in those moments the devil
sought to separate me from my faith and God’s promises, and I had to put my
armor on and keep fighting.
God taught me through my battle with cancer that true health requires a strong
body/spirit connection. Healing must start on the inside. Dealing with the
brokenness inside was far more terrifying than surgery, radiation, and chemo, but I
l was learning that if I wanted healing, I needed to be obedient. God would lay out
the steps for me, and I needed to surrender completely and follow them one by one.
In this blog, my goal is to encourage you wherever you are in your journey, no
roadblock is significant enough to deter you from following the path God has laid
out for you. You found your way to this book for a reason. Whether you are
suffering from a physical ailment, a broken heart, a lifetime of abuse, addiction,
insecurity or any other issues, God wants to work those things for good in your
life. God wants to use your story to help others. Let him. What is God asking you to chip away today? Write it down or comment below.

The Journey Begins

I could tell you all the details of my life as a child,teen and early adulthood but for today the details do not matter. What matters is that what I have ultimately learned and what this blog is really about. I am going to take you though a journey of cancer, raising children, marriage and finding my true self. Some days the writings will be long and arduous and other days quick and tasty.

Here is the deal. If your sick and tired of being ________ (fill in the blank) and want to be set free then take this journey with me…… listen, I am not saying its OK if someone hurt your or left your holding your heart. I not saying that you have not betrayed yourself even. You may have to forgive yourself for some terrible things you have done consciously or unconsciously. what I am saying is this……..YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU FEEL AND THE MOMENT YOU GIVE YOUR ENERGY AWAY TO ANOTHER PERSON YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME SOMEONE YOU TRULY ARE NOT DESTINED TO BE. If your are going to be the person God created you to be its gonna take HARD WORK. I wont try and convince you how to live but I will share who I am, how I made the choice to start this blog and how I evolved into who I am today. Transparency matters to me.

Now, take a deep breath. I will eventually give you some tools in your belt to live a mindful, present, conscious and vivacious life. God is the ONLY reason I am alive and healed and to God I give all the glory.
I will be discussing healthy living, food healers, holistic life approach and conscious living.