Rebirth like an Eagle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTrWPvP0iQ

 

I recommend you watch the link above before you read this post.

I feel like the rebirth of the eagle is not just an act of nature but an obviously life happening of which we could all live by. I am 43.  I am going to be truthful something really did change when I turned 40. Kind of similar to the eagle. My body,hair,skin,mind and thoughts, they all changed.  You look into the mirror one day, notice a few wrinkles, cellulite and a whole lot of sagging. In my personal mirror, I see bags and dark circles. They are unwanted friends. None the less they are present. I tend to wish a lot about my past especially in this area. I wish I was 20 again but to be honest only for my youth and collagen not my mind or wisdom. I started spinning again the first week of January. It’s been amazing. It has helped me not slip into depression in the winter, shed a few pounds. The most important aspect of Black Box spinning gym is the instructors.  The philosophy they hold and the impact they make. It’s not just spinning….. its spiritual. I mean practically every time I spin, I shed a tear. I know this sounds strange but while training on a bike or really any sport that you are pushing yourself, you have some choices to make. Understand that either choice is the right one. You can set back chill or you can fight sweat,cry, push and spin. I feel as while I climb the hills, I am climbing life’s problems. You know the times when you are climbing (fighting) for your family and you want to quit and pull off a few gears because it burns? I don’t know why but climbing to me is such a challenge it reminds me of fighting for my oldest son. Through many many obstacles in his life. I hope he knows that even though he is out of the house, I may be silent and not say much these days but I am battling the enemy in prayer. On those hills, I am kicking the enemy’s butt. I won’t let him win!!!!!!! Chris Russo is a spin instructor at Black Box and though she is an instructor. Although I don’t know her well, I can tell you she is much much more that a spin instructor. She is packed full of wisdom. Full of god and the holy spirit shines through her. I can see it. She talks while she teaches, which in itself is a feat. I can barely count little alone talk. So, props to Chris she is amazing. One Monday she shared the story of the eagle. The eagle at the age 40 has to decide if it wants to die or live another 30 years. The eagle must fly to a mountain top and fight through the pain of banging his beak off, wait for a new one to sprout. Next he must pull out his talons and grow new ones. Finally, he must pluck out feathers that are thick and heavy. Are you for real? I am pretty sure 99 percent of all Americans would die at 40 years old. Would you pluck off all your skin or pound your nose till it was a bloody stump?  How about pulling your nails off?  Pure torture. Straight up served on a ugly platter. My first response was no but as I started to really think about it I realized although we don’t have the extreme physical rebirth the eagle does, we do hold the same choice in our spirit and mind. I could give you personal examples of cancer, divorce, heavy metal poisoned child, alcohol abuse, anxiety, depression, eating disorder, Adhd diagnosis, death, emotional and physical abuse and that is just my family. Tragedy is everywhere. It does not discriminate. It does not have boundaries and it will eat anyone alive what thinks they are exempt. One of my dearest friends lost a child after a battle of cancer. She did not pass on because of cancer. She past on from a systemic yeast infection that the doctors missed. Her Mother tried tell them,  of which no one would listen to her. Side note here if your a medical professional and a mother tells you something is wrong with her child YOU NEED TO LISTEN.  Please allow me pause here and give my deepest sympathies to my dear friend and her precious family. I am pretty sure losing a child is the worst most devastating thing a mother can live through.  I have only known her for 3  years but maybe 8 years go my husband came home from work one day. He told me the story of this little girl and her family.  Trevor  said” Melissa we have to pray for her.” So, we prayed.  I can remember crying for my friend. How she must have been hurting. I did not know her then but I sure do now. This was a bond that linked our hearts long before I ever laid eyes on her. I will never forget when I realized she was the mama and baby I prayed for. We actually both cried in the middle of a Packard Music hall. It blows me away that god brought us together not exactly sure why but someday we both will. She had a choice she could have been swallowed up by grief but she did not. This woman is the purest example of the eagle in my opinion. Although, the pain was and is horrendous she flew to the mountain top and pounded off her beak of depression. Tore out her talons of fear and plucked out every feather of anxiety. To date, she talks and beams with light. I mean true light. She honors her daughter by talking about her and keeping her memory alive with stories of baby girl.  The life she lived and the love she gave to everyone. Kind of like her mama really. I never even meet this precious child but I am telling you I feel like I know her. Sometimes I even think I feel her when her mama talks of her and shares her heart and memory. I am honored to be a part of her story. I don’t know if she knows it or not she inspires so many with her fight to press on in life. Not forgetting what happened but remembering the love they shared and the lives baby girl touched. My friend was pregnant and didn’t know it before baby girl passed on. God gave them a gift in that new baby. I believe they are one. That baby girl is living thru her sister. He gave that family a dose of joy and hope knowing that the years to come would be arduous and painful. Having a little joy in the midst of the storm is all we can ask for in times of pain. I love you heather. I admire your strength. Your heart. Your will to never give up!!! You are a 44 year old soaring eagle that is the glue in holding your family together.

I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’
Don’t let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.

Julian and I danced to this song August 27,2005. As I researched this article image I came across this song in which we hold dear to our hearts. I must say above and beyond anything that I have ever experienced, it was Julian’s life period that God used to bring me to him. Having a child literally saved my life. I love you to the moon and back times infinity Julian.
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy
I dedicate this song to you and this specific blog to Leslie and Sylvia

As you get older, you think back to your younger years. Sometimes the memories are
awesome, other times heartbreaking. Last week I thought about an old friend from
Florida who probably has no idea how she impacted my life.
Everywhere I went, I kept running into this little Italian girl. Now, this was south Florida
in the early 90’s and running into people is not the norm. As a stay at home mama,
Julian and I frequently visited parks and malls—or anywhere I could entertain him with
visual and social stimuli. Far from my family, we didn’t have a lot to keep us busy. And,
oh yes, I was 24.
Back to the point. I meet Leslie. Both chatty extroverts, we became fast friends. We had
a ton in common, but most obviously were that we both stayed home with our little ones
and we were married to chefs. Did I mention she was a feeder? Read the last blog if
you’re confused. We started a moms’ group and began recruiting moms anywhere we
went. By time the group ended we had close to 20 moms and babies show up every
week.
For me this translated into having some wine with some girls while the kids played–a
small reprieve from motherhood. We became very close over the next 16 months. She
became pregnant again, and when the time came closer to delivery we started talking
about who was going to watch autumn. I offered and at first she accepted. About a
week prior to new baby’s arrival Leslie and her husband changed their minds. They
proposed the idea that I go with Leslie and he would stay with autumn.
It may sound a little different but they felt comfortable with the idea. Autumn was shy
and had never been away from her parents. Regardless, this was an honor and
privilege I was thrilled to accept.
My birth experience with Julian included an emergency C-section and I felt robbed of
giving birth the way the good Lord intended. I had multiple medical interventions that I
am convinced cause my baby’s heart rate to drop. Obviously the outcome is what
matters and he was born perfect.
Sorry about all the rabbit trails today. So……I became the official unofficial doula. If
you’re wondering, doula is Greek word for with woman, and they support mom and dad
during labor. February 10, 1998, arrived and honestly the details are a little foggy.
Leslie, when you read this please comment below. The readers would love to hear your
version.
Ok rabbit trail. I’m sorry to report that in the 24 years on the earth at that point I had
abandoned the lord. I did not really believe the bible and thought if Jesus really existed
he was just a nice carpenter. I cringe writing that. I have many reasons abandoning my
faith, but I am not at liberty to share the truth as it may hurt people. Let’s just say I made

a choice not to be like some people I knew and I was positive this was the way to do it.
Fast forward.
Sylvia’s birth was magnificent. Leslie labored beautifully, and I was beyond impressed
with her skills to handle the pain and push like a champ. She cracked some jokes, and
when I asked her if she was really hurting she about stabbed me. She was beautiful and
smiling in between. God had a plan for me, and He used Leslie and Sylvia to help me
see the truth that I so fiercely buried.
When the doctor arrived, I took a back burner to his crew coaching her from her side
and holding her right leg as she pushed to help. The doctor midway asked if I was her
midwife and I replied “no” and giggled. What he said next changed the direction of my
life at least for the next 4 years. “Well, you should be, you did really good helping her
labor.” This, however, is not what really changed my reality.
At the moment Sylvia’s little head started to crown, I saw the beauty. The beauty in
creation. The masterpiece of God’s affection displayed in birth. It was the most spiritual
moment I’ve ever felt in my life. I say felt because the Holy Spirit was present and I
could feel it.
I had c-sections with my kids so unfortunately this never happened for me but I am not
sure it would have had the same effect. Seeing Sylvia born into this world literally
changed my life and saved me from the separation from God. Thank you, Leslie, for
being obedient to the lord. I honestly could not understand why you wanted me there,
but God knew. He knew seeing Sylvia’s birth would trigger me to recognize that only a
supreme being could orchestrate this all in perfect timing. He knew it would soften my
hardened heart.
Side note: My family are prayer warriors and never stopped praying for my life to get
back on track and to find Jesus. God knew that I would remember it forever and feel the
spirit from that day forward forever. I have had ups and downs real downs since then
like I’m not 100 percent sure God is real. Because if God is real than why do people
suffer like little people, disadvantaged people, weak people, all colors, all races and
religions and all people for nothing more than someone else’s sick pleasure.
But God brought me out and showed me truth. I am so thankful for the truth. If you
wanted to ask everyone close to me what my mantra prayer is they would know. I tell
them all the time. Pray for truth. What is more precious and beautiful to me is God
delivers every time. He shows me truth and here is the most brilliant thing: If you are
stubborn and hard-hearted guess what: He will keep showing you truth until you see it.
Now you can chose to plant it in your heart or reject it. Your choice, but God will keep
showing and trying and never give up on your sorry ass. Yes I just said ass, and if
you’re judging me, guess what I don’t care. God knows my heart. I remember leaving

the hospital the night Sylvia was born, smiling ear to ear and then sobbing down I-95
and crying out, “Lord I’m so sorry for forsaking you. I can’t believe I denied you for all
these years.” My heart was broken and God showed me the truth.
How in the world can birth be spiritual? I have a friend who is a midwife; in fact, she
helped deliver my last two babies. I asked her one time about spirit and birth and she
unequivocally said spirit and birth are partners in the dance of life and creation. She
has experienced moments when only God could have downloaded info about mom and
baby at the most crucial time frame.
God can use anyone or anything to drop the scales from his beloved’s eyes. I want to
encourage you: If you have a loved one who doesn’t know God, NEVER GIVE UP
praying. God hears and will work things out in His perfect timing. If you are reading this
and you are void when it comes to spirit, I ask you to do one thing: Ask God to show
you the truth. He will.
After Sylvia was born I decided to go to school to be a midwife. It was a fantastic
journey, and I met a lot of beautiful women in the process. I am not sad to report after 3
years of college and 2 specific semesters in midwifery program, I dropped out. I was
going through a divorce and realized very quickly that all of the on-call days away from
home would not work. It could have but time away from my child was an enormous
sacrifice. In addition to the parenting concern, I knew I had to move back to Ohio, and
midwifery was not a recognized practice. Although it was neither legal nor illegal, I
would have had to practice underground and anyone who knows me knows I am a
freaking rule follower. That was not an option.
In Florida I would have malpractice insurance and worked under an obgyn; midwifery
was governed by laws and protocol. Ohio didn’t have anything like this so…….I went to
school for hair. While midwifery and hair don’t really go together, I am very logical and
creative at the same time so it worked out. Plus, I could make my own schedule and be
a fairly available mama. A win win!
So God takes us on journeys not destinations, and we have to remember this. It is how
you get there that matters. You can learn valuable life lessons from pumping gas and
over filling your tank to divorce if you only pay attention. God will use anything to show
you the truth. I was young in these years and did not know truth. Instead, I had
manipulated the truth to fit what I needed. Please don’t do this. If you’re experiencing a
hard time, please talk to someone you deem as wise. Let the people who love you
guide you. If you don’t have anyone, find someone!!
Also another thank you to Leslie for allowing me to be at Sylvia’s birth. I regret that we
lost each other along the years but I truly love you and even if we don’t talk all the time,
you’re in my heart forever.

Readers, you’re worth every early morning I write, and I love sharing my heart with
you. Stay positive and never give up. I want to thank my girls who edit this blog: May the
force be with you. Love you both so much.