He Is In The Waiting






“Take Courage”

Bethel and kristene DiMarco


Slow down, take time

Breath in He said

He’d reveal what’s to come

The thoughts in His mind

Always higher than mine

He’ll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting

He’s in the waiting

Hold onto your hope

As your triumph unfolds

He’s never failing

He’s never failing

Sing praise my soul

Find strength in joy

Let His Words lead you on

Do not forget

His great faithfulness

He’ll finish all He’s begun

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting

He’s in the waiting

Hold onto your hope

As your triumph unfolds

He’s never failing

And You who hold the stars

Who call them each by name

Will surely keep, Your promise to me

That I will rise, in Your victory

And You who hold the stars

Who call them each by name

Will surely keep, Your promise to me

That I will rise, in Your victory!

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting

He’s in the waiting

And hold onto your hope

Watch your triumph unfold

He’s in the waiting…

This Blog is dedicated to my dear friend Jami

I never knew God cared about ALL the desires of my heart. I mean I get the spiritual ones but what about those desires you have that are absolutely just you… all you? I have been surrendered to my soul recently, and I want to share with you an experience I had, that I let go 27 years ago. Well sorta. I occasionally think of the experience I am about to share, and I am actually thankful that God used my hurting heart to make me who I am today.

Honestly though, I have only been enlightened in the last 2 weeks. I just thought this was a lost episode in my childhood. March 25, 1989 Bon Jovi was coming to the Richfield Coliseum in Cleveland. I had fallen in love with his music about two years prior to his concert tour. There was only one problem, MY MOTHER. I was not permitted to go. She was convinced that if it was not Sandy Patty or Amy Grant singing it was the devil. Let down was not really an accurate description more like volcanic devastation could maybe touch the emotions I felt that night.

I spent March 25,1989, at home with Mom. I cried myself to sleep while my best friends made their way to Cleveland to see him. The talk of the concert was even more heart breaking upon their return. I was so jealous it hurt.  I was ecstatic for them but flat pissed at my mom for not seeing the truth of this situation. My sister Jilene even talked to mom and told her she would take me–I was 15 she was 22. Obviously the answer was NO. Mom doesn’t know this but my step mom used to tape his videos on MTV for me. I would watch rewind and repeat for hours. Life goes on, but I never forgot Jon Bon Jovi and could sing along to every lyric on Slippery When Wet. My heart settled and so did I until recently when I found out he was going to be in Cleveland.

Both My kids danced that weekend and when I realized the dates coincided, I was disappointed.  About 5 days before the concert I found out that we would be finished with competition in time for me to make the show. No pressure: Trevor find us tickets now!!!!! Every time we talked about going I would tear up. I mean the thought of me getting to finally see him was overwhelming as it reminded me of the 1989. Except this time I was 43 years old. I didn’t care where our seats where as long as I got to hear him. Trevor took about 3 or 4 days to come up with 14th row center stage and this is when I got crazy emotional. Like tears a flowing emotional. I just could not wrap my head around 14th row.

The gratitude I had was amazing. Every time I thought about going I would cry. Cried because I thought that desire was forgotten. Heck, I even forgot how badly I wanted to go. The day of the concert came and Trevor received an email stating they had to change our tickets due to the performance kick?  Never heard of that but we pulled up the seating chart and Trevor informed me that we were moved to 5th row!!! Omg omg omg omg omg. I can’t right now!!!! 5th row what? How? Why? I feel like God was thinking how can I make this day even better? Let’s move her seats to row 5.

This is where it gets really good. Trevor bid on some tickets, and as we discussed the possibility of us going, I started to cry. I mean, 27 years later, and I might get to see bon jovi? Finally? 

I remember the night he came 27 years ago and so did God. Here is what is so amazing: I thought God only cared about the desires of our hearts that were godly not secular things and rock music. I’ll be honest. This kind of threw me around a little. God cares about me hearing Jon Bon Jovi sing???? Are you kidding?  If he remembers the heart break I felt in 1989 crying myself to sleep over the concert, then what in the heck else is he lining up for me?  The gratitude I felt. 

The whole point of this blog is to remind all of you of a really beautiful lesson I learned through this. There are things that are so deep inside your soul. Things that have left a mark. You’re sure that the desire you have is never gonna happen. Well, I am here to tell you that is a lie. You are a king/queen of the living God, and He never forgets the promises he’s made to you. So if he makes Bon Jovi happen than He will heal up every wound inside my heart. Set the captives free and grant every desire of my heart according to His will. 

Here is a crazy thought. God loves Jon Bon Jovi too. So for all you righteous religious people out there: Worry about yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which brings me to this song take courage by Kristene Dimarco.  I love music and I am always searching for new plays. I found this song yesterday and it’s been on repeat for 2 days now. Can’t get enough. As I sat down to review this blog and send it off to my wonderful friend Mary to edit, the words fit right into the context: He is in the waiting. That is such a blessing.

Thank you Lord for not forgetting me ever. It may not happen today or in your lifetime but He’s in the waiting. So stay steadfast your soul, hold onto your hope and watch your triumph unfold. He is never failing. Sing praise my soul .

Friends please hear God’s heart. Hold onto your unanswered prayers because He knows your heart. It is in his time. Hold on. Hold on.

At the end of most blogs, I’ll ask you to write in with any comments or stories

We all want to hear how God has kept you waiting but in the end showed up.  Can’t wait to hear from you.

Perfectly Imperfect




Carrot egg coffee

I would like give a shout out to the infamous Chris Russo, spinning instructor of the stars in Niles Ohio. #blackboxspinning. Chris told the story about the egg, carrot and coffee bean one Monday morning, and I fell in love with the idea that I was one of these three nouns. I made a note to blog about this in the future and moved on. 

Which brings me to yesterday when I reviewed the story of the carrot, egg and coffee bean. Hopefully you read the link above and follow as I dive into the heart of this blog. 

I realized something when I read the article. I really was hoping I was the coffee bean affecting everyone around me with my aroma and taste. However, I am all three at different times. Depending on the variables in my life, I have been the carrot starting out hard and brought to my knees only to be soft and mushy. I believe God has allowed this to soften my heart. If I allowed you to see into my heart, it’s not always pretty, but I am still alive and breathing. 

I have been the egg: a hard outer shell with a liquid center that heat changed to a hard center. I am not proud of this state but again God uses every situation for the good of all. What the enemy wants to use to destroy your life with hardened hearts and mindsets, God sets free.

My deceased step mother would often say about people, “They are legends in their own mind.” That’s me with the coffee bean. I can only endeavor to impact others. I know that I am human. I realize that I fail daily but I know that being all three is what God wants from me because through the mistakes of the egg and carrot I will learn compassion.

The coffee bean is really the closest to perfection which is why I struggle with it. Sometimes I am tasty and aromatic and others times no so much. He uses all things to grow us good and bad. In a perfect world we could just be born the bean and be robots in the Kingdom, or we can suffer and learn what love really is and help others. Not changing who he made me and using me with my gifts, talents and faults at the same time.  

When I was in my 20’s I realized that perfection was making me miserable. I thought I understood it but honestly not until I gave birth 3 times and was worn down by the beauty of the chaos of life did see I the real truth of being perfect to the outside world: It was an attempt to show the world I was worthy. Why until I was 43 did I feel like I have to be perfect all the time? To be loved my family and friends? If I have to be perfect to earn their love, I may as well die now. It’s a futile attempt. It will never happen. I am perfectly imperfect. Not ashamed and honored to be broken in the circle of life. I am blessed and reminded by the people in my life that perfection is not ideal. God literally brings me daily situations with people in my life and myself that I see the struggle we carry with wanting life to go exactly the way we want it to go. 

As I am always honest here I struggle too wanting no discomfort in my life. I know on the outside it’s actually comfy to wear but at the heart of perfection are the ugly sisters insecurity, control and jealously. Control is perfection’s bff. Because we have all convinced ourselves that if we can control everyone and everything, life will be perfect. Perfect means no pain right? No it’s a lie and I’m tired of pretending that perfection is welcomed in my life. I am hell bent on teaching my kids it’s ok to fail. To get up and try again. I refuse to let perfection haunt my kids like it has me causing me to be an approval whore.

Am I not good enough?  Am I the only flawed person walking earth?  Here’s a thought: Maybe if I whore myself out and do everything for everyone perfectly and wear myself out people will love me, choose me. Right? Perfection is a mask we wear. It makes me feel better about myself. I don’t think perfection is a gift. Striving to be perfect  has given me so much anxiety in life that I simply have let it go. Doesn’t matter if I want my life to be perfect it or not. I fail every day. I am human and I wear this earth suit around called skin so why not embrace my imperfections and just be?

There is a fine line between accepting my idea of perfectionism and laying it all out and down and letting God show me the truth. I choose God. We are all born with a certain path but I believe that we don’t have to decorate our pit that we choose to live in with perfection. I am perfectly imperfect, and I want to tattoo this on my body to be reminded it’s ok that I forgot an appointment or a kid at school. Judgement comes from perfection, and there is only one judge and it’s not me.

So, friends, here is to letting go of the pain that perfection brings. Please stop listening to the voice in your head that tries to lure you into killing your soul to be perfect. It’s not from a good source. That voice in fact is not really you. If you can hear it how can it be you? Funny huh? Recognize the voice but don’t digest everything you hear it say. Chew on this perfection bologna and see what you come up with. You might think I’m nuts, but there is freedom I promise you on the other side of perfection.

Lets look at the word perfect what does it really mean? What does God say about the word?

Greek translation:

téleios (an adjective, derived from /télos, “consummated goal”) – mature, from going through the necessary stages to reach the end-goal, i.e. developed into a consummating completion by fulfilling the necessary process or a spiritual journey.

teleios: having reached its end, i.e. complete, perfect

This root (tel-) means “reaching the end (aim).” It is well-illustrated with the old pirate’s telescope, unfolding (extending out) one stage at a time to function at full-strength (capacity effectiveness).

Wow, so I am now even more convinced that God intended perfection as a means to an end. You’re called to work on your spiritual self as necessary stages but it a process. Sounds like when you take your last breath your life that is full of imperfection will then be perfect. So shout out to my soul sister Laurie who has taught me there is collateral beauty in the mess and life is a journey not a destination.

I want to thank god for my imperfections, lessons, and pain. I would still be 5 years old in pain and never would have escaped the torture of life. Life (God) knocked me over only to help me up. That is what life is about. Falling down and having the heart of forgiveness beside you.

Let me end on this thought:  Can we work on loving and forgiving?  Isn’t it harder to be pissed off all the time? It is for me. I choose peace and if you’re in my life and know me personally I am sorry for my imperfection. I may leave you sitting in the salon while I am spinning. I may forget my appointment to have my teeth cleaned. I may forget to leave a gallon of shampoo on the porch for you to pick up. I may tell you to come the house for an appointment when I really mean salon. I may leave you at school when I was supposed to pick you up. I may forget your swim suit when invited to a swim party. I may cut too much hair off and you ask me to tape it back on. I may yell at you and feel bad later. I may have expired food in my fridge and put it on your ham sandwich. I may not communicate with you as well as I should. I may not call you back immediately when you call. I may leave you out of a conversation or get together on accident. I may be pissed at you and judge you a few days weeks or months but eventually forgive. I may hate life for the moment when I am in pain. I may not like when you wake up and turn on the tv when I am trying to write, pray or meditate. I may swear (a lot). I may not close the cupboards. I may not visit often. I may not respect you as you require. I may still remember the pain you caused.  I may hold you to your word. I may be hard on you. I may gossip about you and feel terrible about it. I may screw up daily but I love fiercely and passionately. I will fight to the bitter end.  I am capable of seeing the truth and my faults. I will never lay down and give up on myself or anyone I love. I will hold you when you cry and cry with you. I will forgive my perpetrators and run the race with you and never leave you.

Side note: If you are not willing to work on yourself, I may set boundaries with you but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

Back to point. I am someone who you can fight with and still love. This is who I am. Take me or leave me; I won’t let it affect me. It’s ok if you don’t like me all the time. Chances are I don’t like you all the time but I love you. Readers, I would truly appreciate some feedback. Share some stories. Expose your heart. Take a giant leap of faith and be you. Spinning instructor, Chris Russo said just today “We are not always given what we want rather what we need.” God knows how to stretch you…..LET HIM.